Pavlova :9

What’s the deal with crappy pavlova being sold pretty much everywhere?

Pavlova is made from meringue (sugar and egg white beaten till it stands in fluffy peaks and baked) and whip cream. Like souffle, it’s best made and eaten on the spot.

Done right, it’s a heady mix of crisp on the outside, moist and a little chewy on the inside layers of meringue and light, sweet whip cream.

Done wrong, it’s an icky mess of hard outer meringue and soggy inner meringue that has the fishy sort of raw egg smell with cream that tastes like butter.

Yuck.

So pavlova you see out there look like fluffy layer cakes, the only difference being in the flavor and size. Some places like Alexis and Serai have big ones, the size of a regular cake. Some places like The Vanilla Place and Delicious have small ones, about 1/4 the size of a regular cake.

If you’re gonna make and sell the pavlova, don’t put together the layers first. Make it on the spot.

I went to Serai about 1/2 an hour to an hour after they opened for their pavlova, and it was already starting to get soggy in the middle.

I think you understand how important it is to make sure your pavlova is fresh.

There’s a cafe near Saluga (Indian style beauty parlor) in Bangsar that sells good big slice pavlova. If you’re looking for the small ones, The Vanilla Place in Empire Shopping Gallery used to sell good ones (not sure about now though) and Delicious has a good Berry Pavlova.

Good luck!

Kaffa Espresso Bar review. :)

It’s in Damansara Utama, on the same road as Village Park and the two hokkien mee shops. To be more exact, it’s between the two hokkien mee shops, next to Spice Rack restaurant. They open from 10am till late.

We stopped by at about 6pm on a Thursday, during an off peak hour so we’re not very sure about the service and how it generally is during peak hours.

I’ve noticed this place, since I pass by often. It’s got a pretty low-key shopfront, but the interior and ambience was classy, private and intimate. There was that old fashioned, warm feel when I walked in and sat down.

We had a latte and their Perfect Velvety & Sexy Red Velvet cake,  at RM10+ for both.

The red velvet felt moist and dense when I first cut into it with the fork, and I liked how they didn’t put too much cream cheese frosting onto the cake. The amount of frosting and cake was perfect and balanced out well, with the slight tang of the frosting complementing the chocolatey vanilla red velvet goodness. It was a decent size too.

Their latte was served in a metal cup (old fashioned nostalgia) and was a good size for the price. Tasted and smelled good (Kaffa!), with cool latte art.

In total the bill was RM22. You have to pay first before you get your food, probably a policy they came up with due to customer traffic concerns. I like their wifipassword. :)

You order at the counter, and they will serve it to your table. They have other cakes, even crepe cake. (YAY!) For savoury/meals, they have salads, breakfast, pastas, sandwiches and soups. A good sized menu, manageable and not confusing. Prices are decent with good portion size.

I would definitely come back at a later time, maybe even try out the remainder of the menu.

Ambience: 4/5
Service: 4/5
Food: 5/5
Price: 5/5
Cleanliness: 4/5

Day of Love

Remember when I mentioned Chap Goh Meh (Chinese Valentine’s Day) in my CNY post?
Guess what?

This year, Valentine’s Day (14th February) and Chap Goh Meh (15th day, first month of the Chinese lunar calendar) fall on the same day!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no.

For many, it’s the smushy pastel pink family of colors themed day for couples, complete with worldwide cases of flower murder and sightings of weird naked babies that can fly and shoot arrows.

I’ve always found it funny that you give dead flowers to people to prove your love for them.

Conversation/captions I read somewhere:

“Hey. Uh. Here are some flowers. I killed them to prove my feelings for you. If you like them, you can put them in water or something. So they’ll die slower.”

^That’s just really, really sad.

For others (like me), it’s just another day. Or another crushing reminder that you’re alone. Alooooone. Singles’ Awareness Day, they say.

Eat some ice cream or candy or junk food. Go workout. Call your parents, pet your dog.

It’s still a lovely day. Whoever said we need to wait for special days like Valentine’s to cherish our loved ones?

Chinese New Year

In Malaysia, we get to celebrate more than one New Year, cause we’re cool like that. Kidding.

Chinese New Year season is here, and one of my memories of this season is when I puked cause I was having a fever. Our CNY cookies (like how Christmas has gingerbread etc) is awfully heaty, and CNY normally falls on one of the hottest times of the year. Hence the illness.

Meanwhile, we normally have our reunion dinner (something like Thanksgiving) on the last day of the Chinese lunar calendar year. The next 15 days, we celebrate and visit each other and eateateat all the cookies and food.

Unmarried persons and children normally get red packets called ang pows with money inside, which makes this time of year (basically the end of the year until February) my favorite. Now that I’ve graduated, I don’t know if it’ll stay that way. But yeah, we children get packets of money throughout the 15 days of CNY.

On the first day of CNY, we set off fireworks. It’s the custom to not sweep the floor and to not wash our hair on the first day, since it’s considered inauspicious. A lot of symbolism going on.

On the third or fourth day, it’s considered everyone’s birthday. EVERYONE. On the 9th day, Hokkien and some other dialects pray to the Sky God, and it all ends on the 15th day (Chap Goh Meh), which is Chinese Valentine’s Day. Single people normally throw oranges into a nearby river in hopes of finding a match.

But enough of the traditions and stuff. Let’s talk about the food.

This year, at my third uncle’s house, we’re having popiah (veggies and stuff wrapped in rice flour skin) and numerous other dishes. We normally have kuih kapit (a folded extremely thin and crispy crepe that melts in your mouth), cornflake cookies (oh lord so good) and pineapple tarts.

Tables are filled with food and numerous jars of CNY sweets, desserts and pastries. No wonder many people fall sick.

I can even finish an entire jar of my favorite cookies/etc in one sitting. D: oh no.

To all those celebrating, drink more water. Eat a lot. Count your ang pow. And have lots of fun!

In My Own Skin

I am 165cm and 73.6kg the last time I weighed myself. I have a relatively ample body, which I occasionally question when I see all the skinny beautiful girls around me. I value integrity, and I love my friends and family. While I am unattached, I do miss having someone special to come home to, someone I can be intimate with, someone who knows me inside out. Sometimes, I mix up that yearning and confuse it with real feelings, resulting in heartbreak.

Everywhere I go, everywhere I turn, somebody has someone. It’s even more prevalent since I’m a teenager.

Adults brush it off as puppy love (we know it’s puppy love, by the way), but it gets awfully lonely at times. You start to wonder if you’re going crazy, or if you’re that unattractive.

You question your self worth and wonder if anyone loves you at all.

I just want you to know that I love you. Whoever you are. Gay, straight, bi, bi-curious, black, white, Asian, mixed…whatever society has labeled you. I love you.

It’s okay if you think I’m weird, or presumptuous, or pretentious, or fake for this. There’s so much anguish and hurt around, whether we’re aware of it or not and I hurt for you. I want to shelter you from everything, if I could.

If you could feel better for even just a moment, I would do anything for you.

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

Wrong. They hurt, and they hurt bad. It doesn’t even have to be words. Even just a sidelong glance can make you feel inferior, make you feel sorry to even exist. My mum will tell me to get my priorities straight, but does she understand? Do the people around you understand?

But only you can make yourself better. It’s not about them loving you or whatever. Have you done your best to become the best version of yourself you can be? Are you happy with yourself? Do you love you?

I love you. But I can only do so much.

Not right.

Something’s not right. I don’t know what it is. I’m burning out even when there’s nothing to burn out about, I’m out of shape, I’m in pain from numerous little injuries that don’t bloody seem to heal, I’m getting pissed off at little things. 

I’ve always felt detached from the people around me, especially in my age group. Our priorities differ. People think I’m crazy to work so hard and go to work straight after SPM. But I can’t sit still, and even now I’m going a little cuckoo. Some are so caught up in being popular, getting a boyfriend or whatever. I don’t see it. It’s like I’m on a different radio frequency than my peers and it shows when I make plans to meet up. Different principles, different mindsets.

I’m antsy and really sick of being nagged to do this, do that, get this done, have you done this? I’m done with constantly being ditched and having people be late on me, cancelling plans at the last minute. So completely done. 

I need real friends. To whoever it is reading this, if you’re offended or whatever, I can’t summon up the energy to pretend I care. In the past month I’ve been ditched, stood up, ignored, forgotten. 

It seems like, feels like I’m the only one making plans to meet up. Everyone else is busy with their own lives, and they always come and ask me hey Nic why didn’t you call or something we could have met up.

Newsflash. The phone works both ways.

Honestly, whatever. I’m pissed off, mad, sad, hurt, lonely, done with bending over backwards to accommodate friends who can’t even be bothered.

It’s okay, Jienggie (http://jienggie.wordpress.com/). I feel that way too. 

People watching

I like people watching. It allows me to observe quietly what goes on when others think you aren’t listening or watching. It’s funny how people are so hung up on having people watch them, the way they spend so much time, effort and money to impress people they don’t even know or like.

Then they turn right around and revert to the way they usually are when they think no one is paying attention.

Honestly, if you’re all that, you’re all that. No need to put up a front or fake it, because whatever’s inside will shine through. If you’re a good person, it will show. If you’re not that good…well, it shows too.

I should don my sunglasses and headphones more often. Makes me aware that there’s no point faking, and that I should strive to be better than just to act better.

Food for thought.

Lessons from 2013

This is a little late, and I do apologize for the recent lack of posts. 2013 was a rollercoaster year, what with graduating from high school, retiring from all cocurricular posts, taking SPM, going for prom, finally getting my driver’s license etc.

In 2013 I learnt the hard way how much guys can hurt you. I learnt how utterly stupid and idealistic I was in terms of relationships.

It started out fine. He was one year younger than I was, and that raised eyebrows among friends and teachers. Naturally, I didn’t tell my parents. I wish I could say that I knew what I was doing, but honestly, I didn’t, and he definitely didn’t either.

It was like the typical high school puppy love sort of thing, glued to each others’ sides, blindly in love with the idea of being in love. I didn’t know him, and he definitely did not know me.

Then a couple months later, he accused me of cheating on him. Out of the blue. Naturally I defended myself and later we made up, but the fights started and he just wanted more, more, more. More time, more everything.

How do you give more to someone when you don’t even know how much you have?

Things got worse. He demanded I quit all cocurricular activities (I can’t because I have high posts in all of them and I enjoy them) because he ‘wanted to spend more time’ with me. He felt as though I was neglecting him. I was torn, because I knew deep in my heart that no guy who was worth his salt would ever ask me to do such a thing. We fought even more, almost three times a day. Most of the time I was thinking ‘oh no, not again’ while he would rant and rave at me over something that wasn’t even my fault. I wasn’t sure he knew why he was so angry in the first place.

He later got emotionally abusive, blaming me for every little thing that went wrong. Whether it went wrong or was fine as it is.

In November of 2012, he dumped me. I was naturally heartbroken (remember, puppy love?) and spent some time sulking. About a week after, he contacted me and told me that no Nicole, you aren’t supposed to be sad. You’re supposed to pick yourself up and chase after me.

If I’m not supposed to be sad, am I supposed to be happy? If I was happy, you wouldn’t be happy at all and would accuse me of not loving you etc. And why in the world should I chase after you when you’re the one who dumped me?

Looking back, I should have told him that. Or better, I should have rejoiced and thrown a party cause it was finally over. But no. A few weeks later we got back together.

This time, it was even worse if it was possible. He had stayed up all night thinking and spent the days sleeping, so he got mad at me because I kept normal sleeping hours and couldn’t spend time with him. He made me tell him about all past involvements with other guys and later called me cheap and easy. (What the heck is this man, he made me tell him. Did he expect me to be oblivious to guys or something?)

The last straw came when we went back to school in January 2013. He demanded I lie to my parents and go to his house once again. This time, I said no. There was no point compromising my integrity for someone who claimed to love me. I wanted a fresh start, because it was my final year in high school and I just wanted to get it done with minimal problems. After yet more fights and talking and discussion that I wasn’t even sure he comprehended, we broke up. Or I left. Or something.

Then in 2014, just past the new year, he sent me a message asking for forgiveness or something. I would put up screenshots, but nah. He told me that he didn’t really remember what he did then, and asked to be friends again. Not a chance. He honestly did not sound sincere at all, and I didn’t want anything to do with him in the first place. I told him my point of view, and he apologized again, offering to make it up to me. He told me he asked about me, and that he missed me and thought of me in hard times. I told him I didn’t share the sentiment, that I would prefer to just forget all that happened and that was that. Closure.

I regret having wasted time and effort on him. I regret having compromised my integrity and my sense of self for an illusion. I regret allowing him to hurt me.

I’ve probably forgiven him, because he wasn’t the only one at fault. We went in with different mindsets and expectations. We were woefully unprepared. Right now, I would much rather forget it all happened in the first place. It’s irrelevant, and not worth my time to even think about it.

So here it is, my lesson learnt from 2013. A guy who’s worth it will never make you compromise your values, integrity, principles or sense of self. Keep an eye out for relationship red flags, and if you have to keep it a secret, it isn’t real.

Happy new year.

More of?

Tuesday, December 31, 2013
What do you want to do more of in 2014?

I want to be more of myself, become a better version of me. I want to walk into a room and not think about whether the people in it like me, I want to stop wondering why others are so popular and I’m not.

I want to love me.

Less of?

Monday, December 30, 2013
What do you want to do less of in 2014?

I’d like to be less of a dolt when it comes to relationships, whether it’s with myself, God, family or friends. Less of feeling inadequate would be good too.